Greetings to everyone here. I’m a new enlistee to TextFugu, and here is my self-introduction! (I hope you don’t mind reading walls of text) I was on the fence about TextFugu for the longest time since discovering Tofugu. After reading about it for a while I was really wanting to try it, but as money is very tight for me, the cost kind of kept me at bay. Yesterday however, I decided to bite the bullet, pull the money out of my savings, and got myself a forever subscription.

Now, why do I want to learn Japanese? I’ll try to keep this as short as I can, as it’s really a long (and very boring) story. I currently live in the US, but I’m not from here originally, having emigrated with my family at the age of 5. Despite living most of my life here, I simply cannot make myself feel “at home”, even after trying very hard. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the USA, it’s a great place, but I simply can’t shake the feeling of being in the “wrong” place. I feel like I’m just not meant to be here, and I can’t bring myself to put any kind of effort into living here.

It got bad enough that I spiralled into a nasty depression as I sought out what to do with myself and my life. Then one day I got it into my head to leave for Japan. I can’t say why or how. I really wasn’t very interested in Japan at the time, but for some reason, something about it clicked with me and completed a circuit. Suddenly I had a dream, a reason to wake up in the morning, a light at the end of the tunnel. I was happy and excited again, and it felt good. I really don’t know why, and it takes an effort to explain it without sounding like a “weeaboo”, but something about Japan makes me feel good. I’ve never been there before, but I just feel like I “belong” there, like I really do want to live my life to the fullest there.

That’s all well and good, but first things first, I have to learn the language. I’ve studied using a TON of methods, and I can’t deny I’ve learned a lot. But, I can’t claim anything close to fluency. Indeed, I’m barely lower intermediate (at BEST). It’s to the point where I was ready to give it all up from the frustration. Again, I got badly depressed, this time because I feared my dream was a fool’s errand. But something kept my mind on Japan. My brain kept telling me “GIVE UP” but my heart always reels me back in.

And now, I’m SICK of depression, SICK of frustration, SICK of wondering if this dream is worth it or not. I realised that there’s no way I’m ever going to be happy unless I make this happen. I’m going to Japan, or I’m gonna die trying. So here I am, newly determined to make a go of this. This time for real. If I fail, then I fail, but it’ll be a far better class of failure than never having tried at all.

And if you sat through this ridiculous monument to TL;DR, thank you. :)