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So I decided to throw in the towel. I realised that I’ll never learn this language, and it’s become painfully clear to me now that despite all my attempts to convince myself otherwise, I just don’t have what it takes to live in Japan. It requires a person who is much stronger and more intelligent than I am, and it was a mistake to keep pretending that I could handle it.
In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t got it into my head to start on this path, which has now eaten up several years of my life and a lot of money. I wish I could just learn to accept where I’m meant to be and stop looking beyond the fence into pastures in which I simply “don’t belong”. But most of all, I wish I was a stronger person.
At least I can say, it was fun while it lasted, and I thank all the people who have tried to help me along the way. Now the task remains to clean up the mess I’ve made for myself, re-evaluate who I am, and figure out where to go from here. This goal kept me going for a long time, but now I’ve lost all my driving force, my motivation, and it feels like my “dream” has been slowly turning into a nightmare.
I’m sorry to be posting all this negativity on this friendly forum, and I certainly don’t think anybody should have to care about me and my problems. But if you read through all this, thank you, and I wish you all the best of luck in achieving your dreams. Don’t be like me.
AnonymousNow don’t get me wrong, I got nothing on you, and I’m here to help, but how F**king beta are you? You gotta be Alpha brah. Alpha is your goal. You can quit like everyone else, trust me, it IS everyone else (with exception of Alphas) but that hardly helps you become a stronger person like you say you want to be. Don’t want to live in Japan… why? Because you’re out of place? Fk out of place, dip you sack into the mouths of the onlookers who don’t respect you and move the fk on.
END RAGE AT EVERYONE WHO INEVITABLY QUITS DOING ANYTHING REMOTELY TIME CONSUMING back to misc…
inb4 kind hashi censors half the post. I <3 you Hashi… Just sayin’
That’s too unfortunate.
Enjoy regretting this decision for the rest of your life. If you don’t, more power to you.
At least it was fun while it lasted right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhEK1mxOm-I#t=1m50s
Wow, I’m really sorry to hear you’re quitting. I unfortunately can’t relate to your situation very well since I myself am just starting to learn Japanese, but I’ve certainly had fears about what you’re expressing.
May I ask you why you feel you don’t have what it takes to live in Japan? I like to think that as long as you’re happy and enjoy what you do, whether that’s living in Japan, learning Japanese and Japanese culture, etc., then you shouldn’t let your fears of failure stop you. There’s lots of reasons why I know I don’t have what it takes to work and live in Japan, but I can’t let that stop me from pursuing something I feel so passionate about.
And you said you’ve invested years into this; you’ve been fighting those fears for so long, persevering for so long, that you are entirely more competent than you give yourself credit for.
It saddens me that you think you’re not a strong enough person and that you feel like you are doing something/are somewhere where you feel you don’t belong. For you to have dedicated years to learning Japanese is proof that you’re a strong person. It’s a mind over matter thing. If you tell yourself ‘I’m meant to be living and working in Japan’ then you WILL be meant to be living and working in Japan. No one can tell you where you do or don’t belong other than yourself.
I hope what I wrote at least makes sense….sorry, I didn’t mean to get all philosophical. I just want you to know that if there’s anything I can do to help (which I realize probably isn’t much since I’m new to Japanese), please don’t hesitate to ask. I hope even if you never look at another kana again….please don’t regret the time and energy you’ve put into your studies. You never know if/when it might come in handy :)
I didn’t expect to get so many replies. I thank you all because you are all telling the truth.
When I posted that I was at the lowest level of discouragement and frustration I’ve been in a long time. It took a good friend today to get me back up from it, but that’s another story.
The doubts are still there, but I’m feeling slightly better about them. People around me keep encouraging me, but a big part of me is still scared to death. I dunno, I guess I have to really sit and ask myself if I’m going through with this or not. I know the alternative, because I KNOW I won’t be happy where I am now, and I DON’T know if I’ll be happy over there. It’s a big roll of the dice, but I guess when all is said and done I’ve got now’t to lose.
I do remember how excited I was, and I miss that. I look at the trappings I’ve surrounded myself with; books, flags, maps, posters, and I don’t want to give it up…
years invested… and you give up? Sounds like you’re just fed up to me. You’ll be back (and that’s a good thing). Just set it down for a while. I suspect there’s probably some other things going on in your life that are making you feel this way… sort your head on those and find your alpha again, you’ll get right back to where you need to be.
I took a ‘break’ myself when everything else ‘other’ than my japanese studies decided to get in the way and am just now easing back into things. If you need more inspiration, refer back to crumb’s post and sack the eff up.
By posting here you clearly are just looking for sympathy and encouragement. Since I’m a kind soul here it is : Oh come on man you can do it, don’t give up, you have invested so much time, money and effort. Believe in you and have more confidence.
It might be surprising but hey, it happens– of course the scale on which it does depends greatly on the individual and the circumstances.
Learning a language and living in another country are two different things– sometimes they go together, but not necessarily. My advice: if living in Japan isn’t right for you, then it’s time to move. If learning Japanese doesn’t seem right for you (but the place is still okay) then fine– stop “learning” Japanese! Maybe if you don’t try to force it, it will get easier. Now if you really think that you’ve become completely averse to both, that’s fine too. Take whatever you’ve learned and apply it to the next thing. If you haven’t been in a coma for the last few years, then you should have some experiences that you can apply later when the time is right.
Oh yeah, and maybe you should just enroll in a class. I’ve been a self-learner most of my life but every once in a while, when you’re completely lost or lack focus/motivation/etc the easiest solution is to join others.
I wanna thank you all for the advice and “tough love”, which I admit I needed to hear. I’m honestly still not sure where I’m going to go from here, but I think I have a clearer head now with which to think about it.
I don’t WANT to quit, at my core I never did. It was a question of whether or not it was is my best interest to keep going with it, or cut my losses and do something else.
I’ll figure it out eventually. Until then, thank you for reading my dramatic whinging, and for the good punch in the shoulder I needed to get myself together.
Don’t believe in yourself. Believe in the me that believes in you. =)
You don’t necessarily have to move to Japan just because you’ve learned Japanese – learn it for the sake of learning it :D haha
How can you say years when you started on TextFugu at about 2 months a go?…
You are just starting to hit conscious incompetence that is all. It is something we have all been through ^^
You will start learning to live with it soon enough :P-
This reply was modified 13 years ago by
マーク・ウェーバー.
Listen to this song it surely cheer you up somehow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sK2pp2Vkto
Don’t fail me! :)
@MisterM2402 [Michael], the only reason I started learning it was because I intended to move, if not for that then I’d have no reason. :)
@マーク・ウェーバー, indeed I started TextFugu 2 months ago, but I studied using other methods long before that. It’s not my first run-in with conscious incompetence, and certainly won’t be my last, but it still hits me pretty hard. Like you said, eventually I’ll learn to dull the pain.
Mind you, my frustration at learning (or not learning, as it were) Japanese was a factor to my little “breakdown” up there, but the true root of it was more my frustration at not knowing if I could be strong enough to live the new life I intended to make for myself. And I still feel that way (though to a lesser extent now, thanks in part to all of you), but I’m slowly figuring out how to deal with it and still move forward.
A good friend of mine gave me some very good advice that helped me to “re-understand” why I wanted to start on this path in the first place, and helped me remember what made it all so exciting. I’m trying to sort myself out now and see if I can’t rebuild what I’ve knocked down.
I’ll let this thread fade now, it’s run its course, and you’ve all helped me a lot. Hopefully the next time you’ll see me in this forum it’ll be under better circumstances. :)
I ran across this post on ajatt, and thought of this thread here. Reading this in hindsight was helpful to me (even though it’s common sense), and thought it might help with perspective here for the OP
http://www.alljapaneseallthetime.com/blog/practice-dont-beat-yourself-up
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This reply was modified 13 years ago by
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