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In the beginning of textfugu, Koichi shows us a ted video about why it can be a good idea not to tell people around you that you study Japanese. So the only one I told was a very close friend. I’ve studied since June last year now.
I thought I had studied for a so long time now that it’s time to tell my parents. I choose to tell my mom today. It was so incredibly difficult to say. I was used to keep it a secret. Her reaction… she laughed at me. Somehow I expected it but I hoped she wouldn’t. It’s long time ago I’ve felt this ashamed. I feel so stupid.
I need help to handle it. I think my dad will think I’m foolish too, so I’ll not pull myself together to tell him soon.
It’s not a problem telling my friends.
I feel so bad, please help me.
I’m a 18 years old male btw.-
This topic was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by
Cimmik.
What reason do they have to do that? What’s their argument? This seems so fucking stupid. Why would they laugh at someone for educating themselves? Makes my head hurt dude.
Well, I recommend you stay on track, stick with your friends and don’t tell your parents – they don’t need to know everything.
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.i agree with Xaromir. wholeheartedly :D
stick with it! がんばって！
=^..^=Ok, I’m going to be harsh…
I’d laugh at you too.
Why? You make it sound like you’re coming out of the closet or something. Is she really laughing at you learning Japanese or at the way you (seemed to have) made a big deal out of it being a big secret?
Also, get a grip on the situation.
You’re attempting to learn another language, not exactly something that’s really life altering here. If you’re telling her you’re learning Japanese and plan to move there as soon as you can then ya, you kinda walked into it.
There may be more to the story here, be it actual or something perceived by one party. Either way, baby steps. Start to learn because it interests you, keep learning because you enjoy it, and excel at it as you reach for your goal.
I’m going to guess from previous posts that this is a cultural thing.
Can you tell us what culture you are actually from, as that would help to put their reactions into perspective. Otherwise, all we can say is to ignore them, as we don’t have enough information to form an informed opinion.
The quote from Xaromir:
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
Though it sounds harsh, is actually really good quote. As I had this problem myself. For a long time I just thought I wasn’t naturally a happy person and that the world was a terrible place. Then I moved away from everyone I knew and started again fresh and found out I’m actually rather cheerful when I don’t have horrible people dragging me down, and a large part of that was my family, though my ‘friends’ were terrible too. Now I no longer associate with them and my life is a million times better for it, I’m actually happy and pretty content. I’m not saying that you need to do the same and completely cut everyone loose, but you likely need to at least change your perspective and care less about what they think. And try to find more positive people who will support you.
That Xaromir quote reminds me of something. brb I’ll find it in a moment… Here it is. It’s a Buddhist quote.
It’s better to live alone; there’s no friendship with a fool. Live alone and skilfully, carefree like an elephant in the forest.
I’m from Denmark. The happiest nation in the world (I’m not sure why). The first country where porn were legalized (can that be the reason). Anyway.
ロブ, true I made it sound like I were coming out of the closet or something. I just didn’t know how I should say it in any other way.
When I think of how I said it to people in my class. Some of them have the subject Chinese. They don’t learn much of the language but they learn about the culture. So I did it the cool way. I just guessed what were written on their homework is it lay on the table. But I still don’t know how I should have told my mom. Asian is never really a subject we come talk about.
I didn’t say I would move to Japan btw.I haven’t told my dad. The reason I think he would think I’m silly is that his way of thinking is more conservative, and he get annoyed by all my weird ideas.
The guy I call a close friend in the OP is actually the only person I really think of as a friend.
Thank you for your support. I wouldn’t have thought of it by that perspective myself.That’s the most uplifting I’ve ever seen on youtube. Thanks.
EDIT: I would like to ask you “Did you follow Koichis suggestion about not telling people?”
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This reply was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by
I though you are from Norway. I’m from a neighboring country.
Sensei’s advice is valid to a certain degree. USUALLY people will congratulate you if you tell them that you want to learn something, which is indeed praise for good intentions aka for nothing. I can see why he said not to tell anyone, but I find that this becomes invalid once I’m actually already in the middle of it. I’m a blabbermouth anyways, I wouldn’t be able to keep it secret for longer than a week either way. xD
Praise for good intentions is quite common in society, and I’m not happy with that, I’d much rather people motivate me and tell me to go ahead and do it, rather than praising me for telling them my intentions. Praise should be reserved for achieved milestones.
I remain with my statement: I wouldn’t tell your dad and just get on with it – unless you know you can take the rejection and really want him to know. I’d still say it’s avoidable pain, but in the end it’s your decision.
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.Why did you guess I were Norwegian? The kind of grammatical failures I make? The kind of humor I use?
I wish I could untell her. I asked her why she laughed (I feel so dump). I asked her if it was because of the way I said it. She told me that it just astonished her, and then she began to praise for my intentions. Now she wants me to tell my dad. I’m more interested in keeping it a secret.
I’ll begin to study at the university this summer. It’ll take about an hour for me to get there if I stay home (I live with my dad), so I think about moving to the student hostel (but I haven’t decided). I think this will become much easier if I move.
Normally I tell people around me what I want to learn. But I really wanted to learn Japanese and I’ve experienced what Sensei warn against so I did as he said (I think it helped actually).I trust my Japanese learning friends here more than my mom so I’ll not tell my dad.
Thank you for your intentions my Scandinavian friend.I think the best think I can do now is to hope my mother will not destroy my want to study, and wait till the feeling in my stomach is disappears.
I don’t know why my feelings take this much control of me, and why the subject is so emotional delicate to me.I remembered that you’ve complained about people not getting Ø right, so I just assumed it, which is a but stupid thinking of it. Well, if you have an iPhone or something like that you could maybe use the travel time to study Japanese on your commute. On the other hand: Moving there will shorten your travel time, which may also free you up get an hour or two of practice per day. Either way, I hope you enjoy university life. :)
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.EDIT: I would like to ask you “Did you follow Koichis suggestion about not telling people?”
When I started learning, when Textfugu was but a wee baby, he used to tell us to TELL everyone. So, I don’t think I went crazy telling people or anything, but that was the advice I got. Later on he switched it and I was all like, too late!! :p
Actually I started learning from other sources first and pretty sure I told people even before starting TF. So I guess this question is irrelevant to me. :3
=^..^=Yeah people knew before I started TF. I’ve practiced Japanese martial arts since I was 8, so I suppose it was kind of expected from me, and people would think it’s a natural progression.
My grandmother freaked out because she is/was an uber conservative Christian, so she had it in her head that the school was forcing me to take Japanese, which was loosely connected to the devil’s work in her mind. But she couldn’t come up with a good reason why it was specifically a bad thing when I questioned her about it rationally, so she lost steam and just accepted it. :P
People are freaks, ignore them.
I see.
It’s really long time I complained about the Ø and it’s still the thing you remember me for. Aikibujin probably remember me as the weird person who declared war over the on WaniKani.When I think of how I should have told my mother (which I perhaps shouldn’t have), I think it would have been better if I just told her that I have found a site for learning Japanese, in a way that made it sound like it was something I’ve done recently. I think I would have avoided that weird reaction this way.
I know it’s too late to find out what I should have done but I think it’s good to know for future communication.People are freaks, ignore them.
I really like that quote, I’ll save it. There’s actually a lot of quotes in this thread I really like.
Hello Cimmik et all!
While I’ve only recently joined TextFugu, I’ve actually known about the study in reference that lead Koichi to suggest that we keep Japanese a secret. The idea is that our minds are incredibly good at fantasizing- so good that we no longer feel the urge to fulfill our fantasies.
That being said, I have told a few people about my plans to learn Japanese. The trick is not to keep it a secret, but to keep it constructive. When I talk about Japanese with my mom, I like to talk about all of its grammatical nuances. She majored in English and French in college and loves to hear about it. Talking about it helps me remember what I’ve learned and apply it in the future. (Saying something as little as “you wouldn’t believe it, but in Japanese they have a verb stem xxx which means yyyy! I wish we had that in English!” really locks in the knowledge). Just recently, I told my girlfriend that I was studying Japanese on my own, and she said she just didn’t understand why I would ever do that. Different people have different passions, but sometimes we forget that.
As for why your mom laughed- one of the fundamental mechanics of humor is the idea of shock and delight. When your mind expects one thing to happen, but something else happens, it is momentarily shocked. Then, when it realizes that this new thing is in some way better than the old thing, it makes you want to laugh. Your mom laughed because you kept your Japanese studies secret really well and then totally caught her off guard when you told her. I don’t think she meant any offense or thought that learning Japanese was foolish.
Also, while some people might think “learning a language is a waste of time, I would never learn a language,” almost everyone thinks that knowing multiple languages is really really REALLY cool. So even if people aren’t interested in you learning Japanese, I think they will all be really impressed once you’ve learned it. Even your parents!
I’m sorry, my posts tend to be wordy, but I hope this helps! c:
Not from the desk of Eihiko. Eihiko's boss took his desk away from him.I did the same thing as Eihiko; I didn’t keep it a secret but I didn’t tell everyone either. If there was a point in telling them then I might have said something, but if not then it didn’t really come up.
Also, while some people might think “learning a language is a waste of time, I would never learn a language,” almost everyone thinks that knowing multiple languages is really really REALLY cool.
Funny thing is around here (Ontario, Canada) everyone who grew up here has studied another language from the day they start school until they reach their mid teens. We’re forced to study French in order to graduate high school; though by the time you graduate you’ll have forgotten most if not all of what you’ve learned. Mind you our signage in in English, business is conducted in English (good luck finding someone to help you if you only speak French, unless you’re speaking to the federal government or near the Quebec border), traveling around here you’ll find French isn’t one of the languages you’ll hear (you’ll hear a lot of Mandarin, Hindi, and Urdu), and the official language here is English (Ontario is English whereas Canada as a whole is French or English) so it’s no wonder why we forget what we’re taught. Thankfully this creates an environment where learning a language other then English is normal, especially through daily interactions. Many are taught French as a third language so being multilingual is not unusual or uncommon.
Ah, the joys of multiculturalism. :)
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This topic was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by
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