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I tried to translate a song by rei harakami “owari no kisetsu”
Can the fluent people tell me what kind of errors I have made , etc? Like a correction of sorts. Thanks in advance
扉の陰で 息を殺した かすかな言葉はさようなら
At the shadow of the door, I held my breath
Faint words , goodbye
６時発の 貨物列車が 窓の彼方でガタンゴトン
The cargo train of six o’clock,
Beyond the window, clickety clack
朝焼けが燃えているので 窓から招き入れると
In the fire of the burning dawn, from the window, beckoning
笑いながら入りこんで来て 暗い顔を紅く染める
While laughter comes penetrating , gloomy faces are dyed dark red
それで救われる気持ち
And then, I get the feeling of salvation
今頃は 終わりの季節 つぶやく言葉はさようなら
About this time today, the season of the end; murmured words “goodbye”
６時起きの あの人の顔が 窓の彼方でチラチラ
Waking up at six o’clock, that person’s face, beyond the window, flickering
朝焼けが燃えているので 窓から招き入れると
In the fire of the burning dawn, from the window, beckoning
笑いながら入り込んできて 暗い顔を紅く染める
While laughter comes penetrating , gloomy faces are dyed dark red
それで救われる気持ち
And then, I get the feeling of salvation
Hey! Lip them? Lip them? What?you are the wrong place if you are looking for “fluent” people lol
Just post it on lang-8 and you will probably get a few people correcting it, I think Joel is the only person here who will actually bother to go through it all and correct it.
The forum of an absolute beginner’s textbook? Yup, that’s where all the fluent kids hang out! :P
Probably the most knowledgeable/experienced is missingno15, but he’s still a… “beginner” *cue music*
Your best bet is Lang-8, as Mark said.I posted it on lang-8 and a girl corrected the Japanese . What a joke. As if Rei Harakami doesn’t know his own language. (Or knew, RIP)
Hey! Lip them? Lip them? What?Probably the most knowledgeable/experienced is missingno15
DID SOMEONE CALL FOR ME?
, but he’s still a… “beginner” *cue music*
“Nigga moments are unpredictable, but they all end up bad. If they had their own category, nigga moments would be the third leading killer of black men behind pork chops and F.E.M.A.. It’s a fact.”
Translating lyrics are completely subjective and up to the translator. In fact, you could never really get an exact translation unless you were directly collaborating with the artistｓ themselves. Translating lyrics is a process of conveying the feelings meant in the original language into the 2nd language in the most natural, grammatical, and most close to what was actually felt as possible. This is hard because your translation is all focused on your interpretation of it.
For example, I feel fairly confident on the below lyric translations that I did myself but they could done just as well ｂｙ another person with slightly different words.
I was thinking something similar. Song lyrics are hard enough to translate even when they’re in English already. =P
AnonymousI’m gonna be so mad if Missing’s Nigga post doesn’t get deleted, but my Sandwhich Haiku did.
Yes I’m still mad about 2 years ago.
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This reply was modified 11 years, 6 months ago by
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Sandwhich Haiku?
I wasn’t around 2 years ago, tell me more.
lmao !
Hey! Lip them? Lip them? What?Hashi hasn’t been on here in a long, long time, so I’m assuming that post will be safe ;) I haven’t seen his red text in a while.
I’ve been here about 2.5 years, but I’m struggling to remember any sandwich haiku; it does sound vaguely familiar though… You had a fair number of posts edited/deleted back when you were on here regularly, I remember :P
Probably the most knowledgeable/experienced is missingno15, but he’s still a… “beginner” *cue music*
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This reply was modified 11 years, 6 months ago by
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