Hello everyone. I am Sir Jacob III of Ohio, I came to these lands four months past in order to purge it of anime and proselytize the heretical elves known as the Japanese (I believe they are elves, I don’t know, I’ve never seen one in person). In my quest for knowledge of the enemy I stumbled upon the tome known as “TextFugu” that I rented for 20 gold per one-twelfth annum. Inside I found knowledge of their ancient moonrunes and a story about a penguin fighting for nature and justice. I liked the penguin.

Anyway, upon inquiring with the bookstore owner Koichi about the text’s long-awaited sequel and its notes on defeating the Elven High Priest’s 6 second manaburn, his eyes lit up and he told me all about it. He said it had sections for beginner, intermediate, advanced, and of course Elf-Queen Vanquishing. But best of all–he had a copy with him right there.

I looked at him incredulously. “Eto…eto…” I struggled to find words which could articulate my astonishment. But I knew that it was something I needed. I asked the fair proprietor when it would be released.

He smiled. He told me the wait was over, and the future of online Japanese (Elvish?) learning was now. He could give me that copy.

“But first, I’ll need about tree fiddy”

It was at that point I realized Koichi was actually about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the paleozoic era. That goddamned Loch Ness Monster just got me again! “God dammit monstah, I ain’t givin’ you no tree fiddy!” I screamed as I swam out of the underwater bookstore and back to Scotland (which is in Ohio btw).

Anyway, I’m stuck with a Textfugu membership now. I’m on season 4. What chapter gives me the stats for my level 47 divine longsword of flames?