想理兄 円造 【そうりあに　えんぞう】 is the name I’m tentatively choosing for myself. It’s basically a kanjification of my actual name and doesn’t mean anything.

In a fortunate twist, my real given name actually turns out to be a valid Japanese name. My name is of Italian origin, but there’s a Japanese-origin name that sounds exactly like it, a fact noted by some Japanese natives I know that helped me pick my kanji.

My family name is much harder to render in kanji. If I ever found myself becoming a Japanese citizen (not very likely, but hey) I’d probably change it to something more common but similar-sounding for convenience’s sake, like 宗利 or 惣流.

Wonder if I should post mine? I guess I will anyway.

What got me interested was a not very interesting reason, and a long and very boring story.

I had been interested in Japan as a kid (a lot of kids in the 90′s were, what with anime becoming popular and whatnot). I watched a few of the old anime standbys and played Pokémon (still do) like any good youngster of the 90′s. And then I just kinda lost interest.

For the next few years Japan was just another country to me. I didn’t care about it any more than I cared about any other country. In later years I was very happy to hate on “weeaboos” and carelessly make fun of Japan and any part of its culture. It’s something I’m really not proud of.

More years went on and I grew up. I’ll take this moment to mention that I’m not originally from the U.S., which is where I’m living now. I honestly never felt 100% “synced” to this culture. Not to say it’s bad, just that I could never make myself “fit in”. For most of my life I ignored it, but the older I got, the more I started to notice a need to leave.

It got worse and worse until eventually it just became a source of depression. I felt like a perpetual “visitor” despite having lived here for several years. I felt like someone without a home. My life then took a turn towards finding a place that I would claim as “my home” and build my life the way I wanted to, in a place that I would enjoy living in.

My first choice was to go back to Europe. I started with Russia, even began learning the language. Eventually I realised that it wasn’t the place for me either. Then I set my sights on Germany. Again, I began studying that language, and again, it just wasn’t working for me. Nothing gave me that feeling of joy, or that drive to move forward. Nothing flipped the switch that said “THAT’S GONNA BE MY HOME”.

And then, embarrassingly enough, it was my old friend anime that kinda gave me the hint. As I said before, I had begun to hate anime. Part of this was simply because I just didn’t want to be labelled a “weeaboo”. So I kinda began watching it sporadically, almost like it was a guilty pleasure. I honestly felt bad about doing it, like a kid smoking his first fag and trying to hide it from his parents.

Eventually I saw the Lucky Star theme song on YouTube. And I wanted to watch it. I seriously felt terrible about it, but I did it anyway. Insta-hooked. After that, I decided to be honest with myself and just kinda said “well, I guess I like anime again…” and that was that. I didn’t think anything of it and continued watching my cartoons.

Eventually I started to look into Japanese culture a bit (mostly to understand some of the jokes in the show) and it became an eye-opening experience. I felt a real happiness delving deeper into the country’s true side. And strangely, I felt a bizarre “familiarness” with it, like I was already in tune with a lot of the customs and cultural idiosyncrasies and a general sense of “yeah, I get this”.

This was the first time I ever felt like this, the feeling of really wanting to be a part of something. I could relate 100% to Danny Choo because I can honestly say that we felt the exact same thing. I NEEDED this. This was where I wanted to build my career, my family, my whole life. This is the path I wanted my story to take. Everything about the little daily-life aspects about Japan people take for granted made me feel a warmth inside. Simple little stupid things, like looking at Yahoo Auctions in Japanese, seeing a “made in Japan” label on a product, watching videos of people driving Japan’s streets. Its music, its food, its blocks of flats, its trains, its road signs, its bloody TOASTERS for God’s sake. ALL of it made me feel like I was looking at home, and that I could never be 100% happy without it.

So I made my choice. I was going to go to Japan, and never come back. I would build my life there from scratch, become a citizen, and when I’m done, I’ll lay my bones to rest in its soil. And having decided this, I figured that I had better learn the language, and thus I got started studying Japanese. And for the very first time in my whole life, I finally had a real dream.

It has been a true roller coaster ride since then. With lots of ups and plenty of downs. As a heavily depressive person and a natural pessimist, I’ve had many moments where I really could not see this dream ever becoming a reality. I’m actually living one of those moments now. My studies have long since ground to a halt and I’m doubting the validity of this goal of mine.

But for some reason, something in me won’t allow me to let it go. Something keeps me holding on to a little string. Though I stopped studying, I still can’t stop myself looking at YouTube videos, or listening to podcasts, or watching 漫才 comedians. I don’t know where I’ll go from here, honestly, but one thing I’ll always be sure of, is that I’ll never, ever be truly happy without it.

Frankly, I hate telling this story, because everyone always assumes that because Japan is such a “trendy” country, that I’m just a rosy-glasses-wearing weeaboo (especially when I bring up the role anime played in all in this). Like Missingno, that assumption really kinda pisses me off. But I don’t care any more, people can think what they want. I know what emotions and feelings brought me to this dream, and I don’t have to justify it for anyone. I would say that Japan has saved my life. I say that with full honesty, and in all seriousness. It’s not something I like sharing, but I’ll just say that I was feeling so bad that I was very close to ending it all, were it not for Japan inspiring me into believing that some things are worth living for.

I just hope that I can muster the strength to pick up where I left off and see this goal to its proper end.

I wouldn’t say it’s a “rule” per se, it’s just how most people pronounce it.

Granted, pronouncing the “u” in がくせい might make you sound a smidge “odd” to native speakers, perhaps, but it wouldn’t be because it was incorrect, just unusual.

I wouldn’t sweat it for now. In time, as you study further and listen to native speakers talk, you’ll start to pick up the flow on your own without even thinking about it.

The subscription fee is honestly not that bad now that I look at it. At least, it’s something I could potentially afford. But still, my monetary situation is just so chaotic that monthly subscriptions of any sort just really scare me.

@ゼロス, your 3-year-old speech level is a far sight better than my 2-year-old speech level. XD

So I have been struggling to figure out how to say something like “When you get a chance, please do/get X for me.” or basically asking for something but making it clear that they can do so at their convenience and that there’s no rush.

Also, what’s a nice polite way to say “Can I give you a hand?” or “Would you like me to help?” like if I see a person with their hands full and I want to offer assistance. I figured “手伝って上げてもいいですか？” but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s utterly wrong.

• This reply was modified 12 years, 8 months ago by  Gigatron.

Hehe, I’ve actually been tempted to buy that shirt from time to time (the one in the OP). Describes me perfectly. X)

Recently I’ve gotten into making my own “witty” phrase shirts in Japanese. Mostly for my own amusement and because I just don’t think I look like a big enough weeaboo yet.

I scrawl all over them in deliberately sloppy handwriting with fabric pens. I made one what says: “俺のシャツはこんなに渋いわけがない”. It managed to get a few laughs.

For listening practise, I’ll mainly use podcasts. There’s a TON of talk-radio podcasts on iTunes Japan. My main one usually has hour-long episodes with just two guys talking (about what, I’m not really sure). I usually leave one running (at great risk, lol) while I’m on my work shifts with headphones.

I’ll also use anime, though I haven’t watched some in what seems like forever. Games are good as well.

And my favourite (though relatively expensive) way, is to visit my favourite Japanese restaurant and just listen to the staff talk amongst themselves. They’ll also talk to me, so I get some speaking practise in.

I wish I could find some easier audio though. I find that listening to a lot of stuff I can’t understand can sometimes become a very frustrating and discouraging experience.

• This reply was modified 12 years, 8 months ago by  Gigatron.